My hope was not left unfulfilled. If you offer God your everything, God will joyfully pick you up, shake you up, take what you have offered, and expose more than you thought you had to begin with. Well. At least that is how I am experiencing it.
The IF:Local Leaders Gathering created space for me to listen to the Lord. Many people, especially my mom, continue to ask us: What is your purpose here? Why are you back on the farm? We have had no answer. Sure, we’ve received a variety of words and of course we have desires but no real answer. Make a lot of sense, right? We’re not odd at all. But, like I shared earlier, I had great hope for revelation during these last days.
And now I feel heavy. I feel urgency. I feel great responsibility. I feel fear. But I am grateful! I came with a question (or 153,628,000 questions) and I came home with answers. Last night, I shared into the late night hours with Jeff, my parents, and my mother-in-law, Liz. While it was great to share, it seemed they didn’t quite understand the depth of the…words. How do you explain such intense clarity that isn’t a program? that isn’t a how-to? that is years of story and experience and desire and fear rolled into an intense culmination of vision and reconciliation and restoration and yet, still incredible fear? That once again is — watch out! Change is a coming. Not everyone likes change.
Perhaps my language was poor. While I obviously started this blog, I do not consider myself a writer. I am not gifted with words; I’m just a sharer. I have no desire to figure out life alone and I want to invite others in to comment and encourage and prune. Dangerous, sure, but necessary.
Or maybe, it’s not meant to be understood yet.
As the days roll by, I’ll share what I believe will be direction for our family-for our little unit and for the folks who call this farm their home. I should probably make sure Jeff and I are together before I share with the e-world all that’s on my heart. 🙂
But before I sign off–Margie, Rebekah and Caitlin: Thank you for words of encouragement and for reminding me of love. You get it. And few will be able to approach the changes I feel I am about to embark on the way you will, and have. I feel heavy but you help carry the burden, in a unique way. Thanks for being my team! You were already lighting fireworks before you even got home.
And to the staff, board, volunteers, local leaders, and friends of IF: Thank you for exhausting yourselves to push us toward the Lord and true discipleship. You encourage us by example to do anything. I appreciate your stories and hearts and continual pursuit of real life and bringing folks to Jesus’ ways, words, and works. Thank for you sharing with us great tools.
1 When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
3 The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
4 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them